And you think you're the one having a bad day?!

I'm getting a little tired of mommy doing things to me for her own amusement. Look what she put me through today! I thought I better make all of her favorite faces so this would be over quickly:

Cute
Gerber baby

The Thinker

Silly

Are you kidding me? STILL taking pictures?!

I really can't believe you're doing this to meOk, enough is enoughSeriously... STOP ITDon't see any birds in the shot? You would have a split second later.

That got her to stop.

I don't get it...

The three of us went to the mall yesterday. That's right! THREE of us! Dad had the afternoon off and it was the greatest thing since finding my thumbs! But back to my story...

The three of us were in the mall and I saw the strangest, most nonsensical thing I've seen to date... a fenced off area with a guy in a giant bunny costume sitting on a throne. Parents were paying money to have a picture taken of their kids sitting on the lap of this crazy, costumed man! I know what you're thinking. "Oh that boy and his silly imagination". But nope, I can't make this stuff up. Here's a reenactment of what I saw:

Am I the only one that doesn't get it? I thought good parents were supposed to call the police when people put you on the lap of an unknown stranger while another stranger took pictures... even more so when they keep their face covered! And bad parents were the ones that paid to have it done! Has no one else seen Law and Order SVU?!?!

Dear Mom...

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry this is in a letter instead of a heart-to-heart conversation but I have to get some things off my chest.

1. If you absolutely have to cut my fingernails, please leave my thumb alone. That thumb is my "flavor saver". I won't enjoy sucking on it when it tastes so bland, which also means I won't go to sleep without a fight.

2. I know I have gorgeous, long eyelashes but please stop telling people I'm going to "make a little girl or boy very happy one day". I'm afraid they won't appreciate your liberal viewpoint and instead think I'm a hermaphrodite.

3. Please stop shoving my feet in my face and telling me to eat my toes. God put feet on the opposite end of our body for a reason... and that reason is feet smell bad.

4. I really hate the "I'm a banana" song. Please stop singing it while making me dance. It gets stuck in my head and the dancing makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. You only showed me the video of it once and it still haunts my dreams. (here is the video I'm talking about if any of you don't believe me, but don't say I didn't warn you)


5. Please don't be "helpful" and rearrange my blankets. I don't care if I look tangled up in them, if they're covering my eyes, or if they're only covering part of my body... if I'm sleeping peacefully and obviously breathing, I put them there for a reason. So stop it! ... unless I'm having the "I'm a banana" video nightmare. Then you can "help" me.

Last but not least...

6. I'm already self conscious of the soft spot on my head. You don't have to make it worse by telling people "you can see his brains pulse!" and mention I'd be easy pickins for a zombie. Would you rather start saving up for college or saving up for therapy. You decide.


But thank you for everything else that you do. ;-)

trip around the world

I know I've been missing for a few days... I was travelling!

I went to Crazy Auntie Cindy's house on Tuesday. It was a nice relaxing time. A great way to start my little trip. I like how she says "Oh that's nice". It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. There were a lot of people over there to look at... pretty fun. I like how everyone tells me how cute I am.

My Wednesday play date was cancelled AGAIN! Logahn's mom was busy. I didn't mind too much though... I was on a trip around the world after all. So I went to the land of Walmart instead. The climate there was pretty diverse. We started in the jungle-y plant section that was hot and moist. And we ended in the section that was frozen! How's a guy supposed to dress for those kinds of weather conditions?!

Then on Thursday I went on an underwater adventure off the coast of South Africa. Here's a peek into my trip:
I started off doing a little scuba diving. I kept seeing all these fish but when I reached out to touch them, I couldn't grab them... my depth perception under water must've been off. Cause I saw them. They were right there. I'd swear my hand was on them. But then, I saw an evil orange octopus in front of me! I tried as hard as I could to swim away!

But I couldn't get away! I had to fight for my life!

After that battle the octopus turned away from me and kept to himself. My fists of fury showed him I'm not the kind of guy you mess with! I decided to focus back on those fish. No matter how hard I swam to get close enough to grab them, they would never end up in my hand. I was pissed!

After my adventure underwater in South Africa I think someone spiked my bottle! I have no memory of how I got there, but I woke up in bed with a lemur in Madagascar!!! Don't let this happen to you. If you're in a strange place and set your bottle down, don't go back to it and start drinking again. Get a new one. Otherwise, who knows what might be next to you when you wake up!

over the mountains and through the woods...

To grandmother's house I went! AND I got to see GRANDPA!!! He's pretty awesome. He took lots and lots of pictures of me. I wonder if they're afraid they'll forget what I look like? I'm pretty sure mama suffers from it... she takes lots and lots of pictures too. I heard about that happening to adults so I bet it'll happen to me too when I'm 6 or 7. I better start saving up for a camera so by then I can start taking lots and lots of pictures of them too.

At Grandma's I got to see a little bit of A Nightmare Before Christmas. I don't care if they ARE singing and dancing! That's one scary movie!!!

I stole mama's camera this morning so you could see what I see during playtime. I think I'm going to submit it to the Oscar committee for Best Documentary. I think it's pretty cutting edge.

That's all for now! I've got to go practice my acceptance speech!

it's fun to mess with mom

I thought I'd mess with mom this morning...

Last night she put me in my standard head-to-the-left, feet-to-the-right sleeping pose. This morning when she came to get me I swapped sides. Head to the right and feet to the left. The look on her face was priceless!

Lookout people! I'm on the move!

Is mama a genius or just plain ol crazy?!

I went to Walmart today. Pretty boring all in all. I did manage to fluster my mama though... that was fun! I decided to scream "I HAVE A WET DIAPER!!!" at the top of my lungs in the middle of the store. I carried on for several aisles while she held me, rocked me, etc. but I wasn't gonna let her get off that easily. You know how Clark Kent goes into a phone booth and changes into Superman? Well, mama put me back in my car seat on the shopping cart, saw we were in an empty aisle, covered up the car seat with my blanket and pulled off the fastest, most discreet diaper change of all time. I almost wish someone was around to see it. I was so impressed she actually did it, I decided to go easy on her the rest of the day.

Mama is trying to kill me!!!

I've convinced this woman is trying to kill me. I thought it was bad when she started sucking my brains outta my nose, but now she opts for poison!

Then she tries to win back my trust...

... but did you notice the bait and switch in the middle?! She can't possibly think I wouldn't notice the flavor difference... all I can think of is she's either trying to prove which one of us is the boss or she's toying with me for her own amusement. So what happened next?

That's right. This woman, previously known as "Mama", tortured me for her own amusement. But don't you worry... I'm going to get her back. I'm going to randomly scream for no reason the next time she takes me in public. I'm going to let the world know that she tortures me for fun. And nothing she does will calm me down, but I'll calm down if anyone else, anyone at all, tries to soothe me in any way. Then she'll know she can be replaced. And once she realizes that, the rest of those green beans are as good as gone.

Mess with the bull you get the horns!

YEEEE HAWWWW!!!

LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!!

and after that workout I passed out

Grandma!!!

I got to see my Grandma today! Hooray!!! We had a nice lunch date. She's the best!

I even had a chance to flirt with some of the girls in her office! They said they know of some little girls I might like. Thank God for that! Lilly seems to have already made up her mind she likes Logahn so I need a new pool of chicks to draw from!

making that long story short...

wow! Remind me never to type up a story in the wee hours of the night! My long story made no sense at all! Here's the cliff's notes version of my Wednesday night:

1. Instead of my regular weekly play date, we were at a baby shower for Mom's friend Eli. No babies actually get a shower during a baby shower. Makes absolutely no sense. I thought I was on top of things when I brought my rubber ducky. They should call it a "give a pregnant girl presents" party instead. Then we wouldn't have these mix ups.

2. Even though it wasn't my regular play date, I did get to play with my friends. While all the mommies were busy we decided to play Indiana Jones. Here we are, on the edge of a cliff in the Fisher Price Rain Forest, trying to escape the evil jaws of the animals around us. Lilly was so scared she almost jumped off the cliff but Logahn held her back just in time.

That's all for now folks...

chatty little man

I had a lot to say this morning!

And yes, mama put my dog in a sweater. He looks stupid. She shaved his whole body down to get rid of the knots and now he's freezing. But he wouldn't let her shave his head so now he looks ridiculous. Poor dog!

Blah!

I have a cold. And Mama keeps trying to suck out my brains with some squeezy ball thing. She keeps saying she's suckin out the "boogers"... but I know they're really brains. Yesterday I think she sucked out the brains for naps cause I didn't take one any longer than 15 minutes. Mama shoulda put my "nap brains" up her nose, into her brain, so she could take a nap instead... she looked awfully worn out after my no-nap day! But on the bright side, DAD WAS HOME!!! Dad had a day off for the first time in a million years and we got to spend the entire day with him! It was AWESOME!!!